I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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