Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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