wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Vodka?
Forever.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
