I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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