I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize