Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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