YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
