I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
