apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's never too late to be topless.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
