is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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