Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
