This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
