My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
