yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
