'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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