I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
