I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
