i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
