i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
