Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
