apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
