Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
