And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
