Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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