he thought i was a dude.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
