No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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