What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
