We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
