i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
