Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
