I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
