Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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