you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
