It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize