My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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