i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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