Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
