I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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