If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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