Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
