All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize