Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
