So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
