Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
