You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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