i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
