dude i'm inner monologue high
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
