i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
