after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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