I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
