I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize