Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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