If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
