I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
