Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
