I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
