I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The air was thick with penises
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
