My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
