Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
