why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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