Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
