Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
