Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That accounts for only three of the penises
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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