We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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