His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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