shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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