shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize