If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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