He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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