I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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